A Night With Tony Ortega

An event that I have been anticipating for many weeks finally came last night, I got to fan girl out over one of my literary and activist heroes at the Wheatsheaf Hotel in Adelaide, Scientology expert, editor extraordinaire and all round cool guy: Tony Ortega.

I have been obsessed with Scientology on an intellectual and voyeuristic level since I walked to work in Adelaide one sunny morning to a row of protesters with Guy Fawkes Masks lined up in silence in front of the creepy book shop I always passed near my office. I went home and googled ‘Guy Fawkes’ and found articles on the world wide protest set up by Anonymous directed at Scientology. ‘Scientology?!?!?’ I thought….’The Tom Cruise thing?’  I was hooked.

I came to the night with high expectations. I was riveted by ‘The Unbreakable Miss Lovely’ and have seen every episode of Tony on The Lip TV, and had envisioned an evening of dissecting Paulette’s story and the current state of COS in Australia and the world. The Wheatsheaf hotel is a really cool, retro Aussie pub that supports social causes and has yummy pizza and cold beer. I was a bit taken aback however when I asked a bar staff member which area Tony Ortega would be appearing in and she said ‘I’m sorry – I don’t know who that is. Try the garden’.

Crowd shot

The crowd was a decent enough bunch, but clearly had only a passing interest in Scientology, and were more invested in sharing their brushes with the COS, or their first year Sociology thesis on group hysteria and the need to ‘belong’. Nick Xenophon was also in attendance to supply a parliamentary angle to all the questions about tax exemption, freedom of religion and charity status. Impressively, Tony got each of the political references that the crowd chuckled over and Nick was able to add perspective to the incredulous continuation of tax exemption for the COS in Australia.

I was not familiar with the Channel 7 Australia reporter Bryan Seymour – who acted as a moderator and Australian Scientology font of knowledge (I’m a bit of an ABC snob) but when I heard him say ‘The Tech…’ he won my heart.

Tony Nick Bryan

I had so many questions! I was all ready to get my Allison Hope Weiner on, but unfortunately I was out of the view of the moderator, and my little hand flapped in the breeze all night. My most burning questions for Tony-

What is your take on Nibs and his tragic tale? Does Paulette forgive him?

Have Nancy Many and Paulette Cooper ever met/spoken?

Were you ever just a little upset with Paulette during the 1980 incident?

LRH’s treatment of Paulette smacks of sexism and anti-semitism – is there any LRH writing on either of those subjects? The whole calling women ‘Sir’ always struck me as an attempt to be progressive.

Was Nicole Kidman really unable to remove her kids from the church? Homegirl’s a bazillionaire with the world media at her fingertips…

Can you write Tory Christman’s story next?

Leah Remini’s book will contain KRs?!

Do you have any juicy gossip on Matthew Weiner’s relationship with Elisabeth Moss given the popularity of The Lip TV?

Does Clamato Juice really have clams in it?!?!?!?!

I had to settle for a 2 minute gush fest whilst Tony signed my brand new hardcopy of Miss Lovely. I got to tell him how beautifully restrained and respectful his coverage of Cathriona’s passing was – and that I had tremendous respect for his handling of her beliefs. He shared with me the moment he found out she was a Scientologist and we commiserated over her vulnerability to the COS.

Tony still has a few stops on his tour – if you are a Miss Lovely fan I definitely recommend you go and sit front and centre, and I for one, will be checking out Bryan Seymour’s body of work whilst I count down to Troublemaker.

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The Nigerian Puppy Scam

So Little Man turned 7 this week. He has had a tough year. He changed schools, his dad moved in with a lady friend with a few kids, and he has struggled to catch up after a 1st school year with a half wit for a teacher.

I decided that for this birthday, I needed to bring out the big guns. The puppy big guns.

I did a Google search for ‘puppies + ‘ and came across a site for breeders to advertise their puppy wares. I came across an ad for a Yorkie puppy. The advertiser said they had 2 yorkie puppies available. I sent a polite message asking for pics and a price.

The poster replied with what looked like a professional pic of 2 yorkie puppies in adorable outfits saying they had just purchased these puppies several weeks ago and then had 2 deaths in the family. They implied they were elderly and could not give the puppies the attention they needed. They asked where I was located and that once they had verified I was a responsible pet owner they would provide their address and I could pick the puppies up. I replied with my suburb and explained I had my last dog for 17 years.

A few hours later, they replied that I sounded perfect to adopt the puppies. They were in Darwin (the opposite side of Australia to me) and if I did not mind paying the shipping they would get the puppies to me the same day.

I have shipped my dog before, and I knew you cannot get a dog on a plane the same day in Australia. It was then I started to think perhaps this person/people were pulling my leg. I thought I would pull this out a little longer and prove my point.

I do not want to give these bottom feeders any further info on the animal shipping practices in Australia, however there are certain steps involved in shipping animals they knew nothing about.

So the scum bag scammers dragged it out (by email) pretending they were at a fictional shipping office wanting to urgently ship me these free, expensive dogs. The problem is the shipping company can only email, and they are under ‘2014 audit’ and need me to do a bank transfer to a gentleman with an Islamic name in Cameroon. When I replied that I knew I was being scammed, they replied that I was a ‘Ship Goat’.

Bottom line? If it’s too good to be true it probably is. I can actually hear Nev and Dr phil admonishing me. I was an idiot and now some dude in Lagos knows where I live.

Little Man received the most beautiful little Pomeranian boy, purchased from a breeder IN PERSON. Despite a nasty few days, that I thought had embittered me forever melted away when he laid eyes on his new baby on his birthday. I will never forget the joy on my son’s face when he exclaimed ‘Mummy! you got me a puppy?!?!’ with tears in is big navy blue eyes. Each night I tuck them into bed and sing Mockingbird as they snuggle under the duvet for the night. Watching my boy treat this little innocent creature with so much love and gentle compassion is one of the greatest blessings in my life. There may be crappy bottom feeders in the world who pose as elderly, bereaved and distressed pet owners, but it is Little Man’s beautiful heart that wins out in my reality. God bless them both.

Alexis Bellino Casts the First Stone….

So… Alexis Bellino inserted herself into this season’s reunion to remind us all what a dipshit she is. She could have taken the highroad and left the blogosphere to point out the hypocrisy of Tamra’s insults and come out smelling like roses… but no, she had to stick her oar in and remind us she is an ignorant twat.

I am actually surprised that Andy’s interns even let this one through, but as always – Andy Cohen knows how to capitalise on a stupid woman and turn her shortcomings into ratings gold.

Below I transcribe Alexis’thoughts in all their judgy glory.

Hi Andy,

I hope you’re well. I’m hoping you will share this with Tamra. I just think it’s important for Tamra to hear and think about…….

 When I became a cast member of the Real Housewives of Orange County 5 years ago, I knew that I would be judged because of my appearance and my love for Jesus, with Tamra being my biggest ‘harrasser’… but over time, the viewers saw that although I’m far from perfect, and regardless of my bra size, my love for people and my non-backstabbing showed through, and that infact I do love Jesus which is why I cannnot sit back and watch a mockery be made of my Saviour.

 The greatest part of a walk with God is that He loves you where you are. You don’t need to be perfect. However, that doesn’t give you a hall pass to become baptised, and then continue your old unkind and manipulative ways. Someone’s faith is not for entertainment. It’s their sole reason for existence.

 Sincerely and forever,

Jesus Barbie